Too tired to...

He had cried for 5 days - with little break for sleep or any kind of rest.  He was only 6 months old, so that meant I had not slept for those same  5 days.  Clay had been admitted to the hospital with a horrible virus that including high fever, unexplained pain, and extreme irritability (me, too!).  Because he was dangerously dehydrated, the only place the nurse could insert an IV for fluids was in the top of his head.  I had never seen that necessity, and it sure seemed to me that the minute she inserted that IV, his crying intensified. 

I could only imagine how frustrated the other patients and their parents on our floor must have been.  No matter what I did, he cried.  Frank would bring something new to try each time he would come to the hospital - a different kind of pacifier, a toy he might like, another special blanket... nothing brought comfort.  I prayed for him to rest; I prayed for relief from fever; I prayed for lessening of pain; I prayed for just a moment of calm (for both of us).  It was somewhere around 2:00 am, and I was exhausted - I AM his mother, why can't I help him?  Out of sheer desperation I called a dear friend and mentor for help.  She had led our small prayer group/Bible study so beautifully, and I needed some wisdom.  She quietly listened to my seemingly hopeless plight with gentle patience.  I ended my speech with my greatest concern - I couldn't pray anymore - I was too drained, exhausted, nothing left.  Something must be very wrong with my faith.

I love, have counted on, thought through, and clung to often Romans 8:26, that tells us,
"the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."  I thought she would start there with her encouragement, but she didn't.  Her words went something like this...

Susan, you have been faithful in your walk with God.  You have been thankful in joys and challenges.  You placed your stake in the ground a long time ago when you asked Jesus to be the Lord of your life - your "stake" of faith.  Think of this, as you grew and learned, you began to spin around that stake.  Your faith was growing; you understood more; you were seeking HIM.  Your "bundle" became fuller as you continued to grow and add to it.  There are times in life when difficulties come, and you begin to pull the fluff of that bundle off - times when you question circumstances or just don't understand timing, still you trust and by pulling off a piece of that fluff, you remember and acknowledge God's faithfulness.  There may be times when you pull all the fluff off down to the bare the stake.  Your stake is solidly planted in good strong soil and with a trustworthy foundation in Christ.  Rest in the assurance that your faith is not shaken, but these are the times that you "remember the works of His hands", and that you simply rest in the fact the He is carrying you.

We survived the night and the illness, but I never forgot that picture.  I even created my own thoughts of the fluff which looked a little more like cotton candy.  I know I didn't convey it in these words to you with the intensity and eloquence of my dear friend, but I do remember.  I was both encouraged and relieved - it was a powerful moment in my life.

Fast forward a few years... A friend was dying; she had fought a good fight with cancer, but she was nearing the end of the battle.  She called me late one night with a question.  "Susan, I'm worried about my face."  Her face had begun to droop a little, and I assured her that her face was fine, really only noticeable when she pointed it out.  "Not my face," she persisted, "my faith!"  She went on to tell me that she just couldn't pray anymore... she was just too tired.  I began to weep with her, but almost as quickly as my tears flowed, so did my thoughts... the stake... the fluff.  I relayed the picture the best I could, and she relaxed a bit.  She knew that she was resting in the arms of her Savior and Lord.  Lisa passed away a few days later.  Her face and her faith looked beautiful.

Our precious Savior has promised to be with us every step of the way on this journey toward Heaven.  Your word picture may look a little different than this one, but I do believe we are enriching and deepening our relationship with Him as we spend time talking with and listening to Him.

You are so loved, my friend!

"The Lord appeared to us in the past saying, I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness."  Jeremiah 31:3


  1. Thank you for your words...and this beautiful reminder. It is one I won't soon forget as I continue on the path God has laid before me.


    1. I hear ya! Thankful for the path... even though it is challenging - HE walks ahead and then comes back and walks alongside!

  2. Beautifully written and such a powerful reminder for us to rest in the arms of the Lord when we need it. Love you my friend!

    1. so thankful to be walking alongside you on this journey as we "mutually encourage each other's faith!

  3. Susan,

    You are so dear to me and your faith is so encouraging to my walk. These are the words I needed at just the right time..I love when God does that! You are a blessing my friend. Thank you for loving Jesus with your whole heart:)


    1. Thanks so much - you so beautifully shine HIS light just by walking in the door!! :)

  4. Susan,
    Oh how we need reminders of this daily! I am leaning so heavily on my Savior and I am so grateful He is always there and He goes before in ALL we do! Blessed beyond measure. A friend just gave me more precious words yesterday. He told me as christians we need to learn how to live in a "bittersweet" world with joy and pain. I like to think of a piece of -bitter sweet- chocolate now. Jesus wants me to be able to live like that.
    Love you and appreciate you Susan-

  5. Thanks so much, Marcie! Wonderful insight! So thankful for you and your precious family!